Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
His hands were made for my vagina.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
