I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he thought i was a dude.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
