During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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