I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize