So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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