I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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