is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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