youre lurking in front of me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
