I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
