one two three fourrrrnication!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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