I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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