just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
