He is such a slut. More and more my type.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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