Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
