the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize