Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
