I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it because I queefed?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
