I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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