thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
