just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
