you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
