then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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