I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
