woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
