the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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