hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
