Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
