I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
