People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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