I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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