You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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