dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
