whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
