Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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