Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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