Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
