what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
