Who wears a wallet chain?!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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