there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
