we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
