It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
