perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
