Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize