i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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