what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
