i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
