At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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