whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's never too late to be topless.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
