Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
