Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
