I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize