Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
