im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
