so explain again why im purple
no
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
