even my farts smell like vagina
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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