at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I came so hard my ears popped.
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