So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
