Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
