I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
