Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
