I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
