Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
